Index Arts & Entertainment Humor Results 21 - 30 of 521 Mr. Handyman Author : Gary Mosher First thing Saturday morning I decided to fix the washing machine. This decision had not been reached lightly. The cold water pressure was weak so I had checked with two experts at work (i.e., they had both owned washing machines at one time or another) and determined that it was a sticky solenoid. I grabbed my toolbox and told my wife what I was planning. “It’ll be fixed in ten minutes,” I explain as I head down to the basement. Meanwhile, s... | Read more... Cell Phones and the Dentist Author : Cynthia Pinsonnault Don't you just hate people who talk on their cell phones while they drive? Blindly babbling away, not paying attention to the road, endangering everyone nearby … so inconsiderate. Anyway, today while I was chatting on the phone and driving to the dentist, I got a tiny bit distracted and turned onto the wrong road … twice. But I cleverly figured out a shortcut back to where I belonged and pulled into the parking lot right on time. Unfortunately... | Read more... Valentine's Day for Dummies Author : Charlie Hatton Saint Valentine's Day rolls around just once a year. And if you've been married as long as I have, your chances for sex don't come much more often. 'There's always next year' is a fine mantra for a Cubs fan or a Libertarian, but not for a lover. So don't miss your amorous opportunity this time around -- heed the following Valentine's Day advice. Nobody wants to hear the story of Saint Valentine Simply put, any story that ends with a beheadi... | Read more... Twelve Simple Rules for Sucking Less Than 'Eight Simple Rules' Author : Charlie Hatton America is a country of sitcom watchers. We all like a nice chuckle now and again, but unfortunately the good shows are outnumbered, outgunned, overwhelmed, and often obliterated by the bad. In an effort to stem the tide of inane, sugary pap gushing down our satellite feeds, here are a dozen ways to improve the average -- and significantly below-average; I'm looking at you, 'Yes, Dear' -- situational comedy: 1) Do not include a laugh track.... | Read more... The Good Old Days Are Gone Author : Charlie Hatton I yearn for a simpler time. Life in this modern age can be frustrating and scary, what with the global warming and the bad cholesterol and the high-definition reruns of 'The Nanny'. I long for a more peaceful existence, free from the complications of the twenty-first century lifestyle. I'm ready to re-adopt a few of our long-forgotten traditions, to recapture the halcyon days of yore. Yesteryore, even. I'm not screwing around here. First, I'd ... | Read more... How I Feel About Pirates Author : Charlie Hatton Pirates are BAD because they steal booty from other people. The only people that should get to steal booty from other people is me. Also, I should get a pet parrot. And get to say, 'Arrrrr!' whenever I want. Pirates are GOOD because when I do pretend I have a pet parrot, and I walk around saying, 'Arrrrr!', people know I'm acting like a pirate. If pirates had never existed, people might think I had a speech impediment, and some sort of kinky p... | Read more... Good News for Goofballs Author : Charlie Hatton I've found that there's a gap in the set of self-help and how-to books available. Sure, there are books to improve your outlook, and boost your self-esteem. If you want to learn to cook, or start a business, or patent your idea for self-buttering waffles, there are books to help you. And if you happen to be a dummy -- well, there are entire shelves at the local Barnes and Nobles devoted to you. Dummies can learn about using computers, and perform... | Read more... Don't Talk to Me About 'Life' Author : Charlie Hatton Some say life is like a box of chocolates, because 'you never know what you're going to get'. These people are idiots. Who the hell adopts a quote from a 'slow' movie character as their personal credo, anyway? Sure, I watched Forrest Gump. I watched Rain Man, too, but you don't see me nodding sagely and proclaiming, 'I'm an excellent driver. Excellent driver.' every time things take a turn for the worse. You might as well quote Ace Ventura. Us... | Read more... Reality Shows We'll (Hopefully) Never See Author : Charlie Hatton Just when it seems reality TV has hit rock bottom, a new and ever-more demeaning show emerges to set the bar even lower. Here are a few of the offerings that don't exist yet -- but just wait until the suits at FOX and UPN get wind of these ideas. Ambush Boobjob: In this exciting makeover extravaganza, we give a team of plastic surgeons a van, a bottle of ether, and one mission: endow, endow, endow! They'll roam the city, looking for flat-ch... | Read more... Our Baby: The Grape (via CobWeb/3.1 kupl1.ittc.ku.edu) Author : Tom Coffee My wife and I are only about six weeks into this pregnancy thing and we're still trying to wrap our heads around this whole idea of having a baby, though we have wildly different thoughts on the subject. I'm worried about whether or not we'll be able to handle the financial and moral responsibilities of bringing a child into the world. My wife is mostly worried about passing something the size of a watermelon through her hoo-ha. And so far t... | Read more... << Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next > End >>     [ Back ] Top AlphaContent 2.5.4 © 42 - visualclinic.fr

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